And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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