I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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