I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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