I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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