remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
