Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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