I hate your face
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
