I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
