I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
