watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
