I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
