she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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