Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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