just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
