Just took my morning after pill in the library
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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