i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Randomize
