lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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