It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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