I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
