I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
