There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
