just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
