bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
