i need an iv and a liver transplant
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
These tits shall not be calmed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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