You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
