If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The uberlube is also flammable
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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