You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You made out with two different species that night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
