I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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