somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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