I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ok first of all what the fuck
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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