My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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