Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
