is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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