Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
