no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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