I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
