Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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