We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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