and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it glows. i had to have it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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