Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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