I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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