I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
