at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
