Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
