Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
