lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
