this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
