It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
