it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
