currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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