So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
