Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
