i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
