3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
