Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
