Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
