6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
