she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
