So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
