Porn is love you can see.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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