oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
