so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
