i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
