this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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