Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
