Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
