He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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