When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
