im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
