I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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