even my farts smell like vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
