I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
