Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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